FUBAR
by Dakk Tribal
Summary: Serah returns home from school to find her sister screwed up.  REALLY screwed up...  post-game.  Made just for laughs.  Please Read and Review!


Serah came home from school expecting to find her fiancée Snow, or maybe her sister Lightning. Maybe her beloved standing outside the door of their new home in Eden, a smile on his handsome face and all happy to see her. He, as a member of NORA, would leave in the morning while Serah was sleeping, and not return until shortly before school was out. She'd miss him during that time, but she had always thought she felt a kiss on her cheek from him every time he left. A thought that made her smile during class, often to the confusion of her friends.

_Well, I would do the same, if only I could wake up in time…_ She thought, again smiling as she turned a corner towards her house.

What she saw didn't surprise her.

Snow was indeed waiting for her, smiling like she thought he'd be, but also seemed a little…odd. He had a hand on his stomach, and shaking slightly, like he was holding in laughter.

As she got closer to her fiancé, Snow waved, "hi honey."

Serah smiled, handing her school bag to Snow, "hello Snow."

He took the bag, then kissed Serah on the lips quickly, "How was school?"

The gil smiled, "Not as pleasurable as that was." Serah put her hands behind her back, and noticed that Snow chuckled, "What's wrong?"

The man looked at her, "It's a bizarre situation inside our home right now."

Serah's curiosity was piqued, as well as feeling a little worried, not knowing what he was talking about, "what happened?"

Snow led her inside, explaining himself as he went through the living room but stopping short of the kitchen, "It's funny because when I got home, I hurried into the bathroom to wash up and get ready to see you. When I came back out, I went into the kitchen to get a drink and I noticed my engagement gift for you was missing."

"You mean that large bottle of champagne you got soon after Orphan was defeated?" Serah had gone with Snow to get the bottle as part of their engagement gift from her sister, so she knew exactly what he meant.

"Yeah, the only one I could afford on such short notice. Anyway, I go to check on it and I find it's missing."

Serah put her hands on her hips, "Don't think it ran off do you?" A hint of sarcasm was in her voice.

"You sound just like your sister. Oh, and speaking of your sister—"

"What about that bottle? If we don't find it, Lightning will—"

Snow cut her off, "We don't have to go far to find both of them."

Serah was confused, and Snow led her into the kitchen, and she expected to see her sister sitting at the table holding the bottle.

What the 18-year-old girl had not expected was to find her sister at the dinner table, champagne bottle in her right hand and acting all…odd.

Lightning, her left hand on the table trying to keep her balance, which was all but lost on her part, waved at her sister, "why didn't you tell me you guys got this?"

The former sergeant wasn't angry in the truest sense of the word, but Serah guessed it was out of the fact that that bottle her sister had wasn't meant to be used until much later.

"I came into the kitchen and found her like this. Half the bottle was gone before I tried to get it away from her, and she nearly clubbed me to death with a bread roller." Snow explained, showing a dark bruise on his left forearm.

_Great…this is a problem. An unnecessary problem._ Serah knew that Lightning had to stop, but she also knew her sister would not give up without a fight. Still, she had to try.

"Um, hello sister," Serah said nervously, being cautious, not knowing how her sister would react in this drunk state.

"Serah…how was your school…?"

Serah nodded, "it was enjoyable but right now I need you to do something for me, please."

Lightning tried to stand up straight, which was futile as her equilibrium was shot all to hell, but still she looked as if she was paying attention, "And what is that?"

"I need you to lay down in your room."

Lightning leaned on the table, "I'm not drunk Serah, I'm…fine…I'll be fine."

_I beg to differ, Lightning._ That was what she wanted to say, but she couldn't really force the words out of her mouth. If there was one thing Serah Farron feared more than her sister was to stand up to her and force her to do something she didn't want to do. Lightning was her older sister, and she would never listen to Serah unless she was serious, and she was rarely ever serious to begin with.

The girl was going to have to do that if she didn't want Lightning to get hurt, or hurt others for that matter.

She decided to try again, "come on sis, you can't be like this."

Snow nodded, "I agree."

"Shut up, Snow," Lightning murmured, not liking his interference.

Snow shook his head and walked up to the table. He pulled Lightning to him, taking the bottle out of her hand with a forceful hand, tossing it to Serah, "This isn't like you Light, getting drunk like this."

Lightning didn't seem to care, "Remember that one time Snow? We were in a village...yeah, where little white sheep ran rampant in the streets-" Lightning stopped because of the sound of scratching on the nearby window. Courtesy of a cat trying to get inside. She didn't react too kindly to it 'cutting' her off during her sentence. "Get lost you filthy animal!"

She promptly picked up a glass plate from the table and threw it with enough force to where it made a 'swoosh' sound in the air. It crashed near the bottom of the window, shattering into many pieces. The cat took off with a loud growl, and Serah gasped at the sudden action. Lightning tried to remain standing but fell back against Snow's large muscular frame, "f*cking pussy…"

Serah could not believe she had just seen that, and had gone to pick up the pieces as Lightning tried to stand again. She was trying not to smile, as even though the sudden outburst had spooked her, it also made her laugh inside. It wasn't all that often that Lightning acted like this.

Snow had never seen his 'future sister-in-law' act anything like this in his life. Lightning was always the serious type, and she rarely broke a smile for any reason before the whole Fal'Cie fiasco, and the current situation was as pleasant as it was very odd to the NORA leader. Still, he was trying hard not to laugh. For Serah's sake.

Lightning kept slipping in Snow's grip, and Snow's hands were clasped together on her chest. He was holding her tight, but no matter how tight, the soldier was somehow slipping down and he had to pull her back up every time. Lightning felt the unintentional feel up, and acted accordingly, "hands off the goods you big dope!"

So, he tried to hold Lightning up while at the same time keep her from walking away, "Light, you better keep it down, otherwise you'll cause an even bigger ruckus-" Lightning shook uselessly in his arms, trying to wiggle free, "sure...cause a ruckus so big that even the Maker will be shaking his head in disbelief. If he...she...or it has a f*cking head to begin with!"

If Snow had trouble keeping himself from laughing before, it took every ounce of his will to keep himself from bursting with laughter after hearing that.

Serah threw what remained of the plate into the trash and went over to her sister, "Please sis, you should lay down."

Lightning looked away, "Not listening!"

"Lightning."

The older Farron covered her ears.

Serah tried to say her sister's name again, but it didn't get through even as Snow removed Lightning's hands from her head.

Lightning rolled her eyes out of annoyance, "what now?"

Snow let her go, and she fell right on her butt at his feet, "what's the big deal?"

Serah had had enough, she screamed in a deep angry voice, "CLAIRE FARRON!"

Lightning stopped dead in her tracks, and so did Snow, who was shocked at his fiancé's sudden outburst of anger at her own sister.

Lightning stood up, using Snow as a ladder to help herself, she was obviously surprised, but she was also impressed, even drunk she looked at her sister with a smile. She patted her sister on her right cheek, "Ms. Villiers showed us what she is made of…I'm proud…"

Serah looked down, somewhat flustered, as she had never heard Lightning say things like that before to her, even when sober.

Lightning looked at Snow, "alright big guy. Lift me."

Snow looked at her like he had been asked a trick question, "wha?"

"What do you mean 'wha'? You know damn well I won't make it up those stairs. I'll kill myself without support. So, you're officially the Claire carrier for today."

Serah had to hold in a giggle fit as Snow shrugged his shoulders in defeat. He lifted Lightning over his shoulder, and his right arm went around her knees.

Lightning felt his hand touch her thigh, again by accident, and said, "I swear, you're taking advantage of me because I'm drunk! And you're engaged to my sister—"

"Knock it off, this was you're idea," Snow said going up the stairs slowly, and Lightning did not stop bickering until Snow had her in her room.

And it wasn't until she heard the door slam that Serah could no longer hold the urge to laugh like a crazy woman.


End file.
